Before we start with our weekly X Factor roundup, we thought we’d address the lack of XFactor related pieces last week. We were actually stuck in the middle of nowhere on the Monday without any internet access – however, when we came to write the piece the following day, we realised that there wasn’t really much to say. Danyl was still shit. Joe still good but boring. Stacey still shakey and Olly still preposterous. We were actually, surprisingly, a bit sad about Lloyd going – he might not have been the strongest singer, but he was the closest they had to someone who could actually be a popstar in the real world...
So, onto this week’s show...
01. Firstly can we just stress how much we HATE Simon Cowell this season?? When did it happen? Where has it came from? This is the man who usually spoke for everyone watching by telling things how they were– this year however, he’s petty, bad tempered, and more importantly, clueless. His shameless pimping of DanYl, a guy who couldn’t hit a note if it was standing right in front of him, has been quite cringeworthy to watch...
02. We may as well get it out the way now seeing as we’re talking about DanYl – hurrah! We’re so glad he’s gone. What took so long??! Simon’s pimping reached new proportions this week despite DanYl singing like he had two tennis balls stuffed in his mouth and a clothes peg on his nose. As usual, he spent both of his songs completely off key, before omitting a blood curdling screaming towards the end. We can’t say we’ll miss having to hear that ‘singing’ every week....
03. And what of the rest? It’s hard to get enthused to be honest. Stacey’s ‘Somewhere’ was pretty impressive, but she’s hardly in Leona’s league. Hell, she’s not even in Lucie’s league. And the less said about her ‘sexy’ rendition of ‘The Way You Make Me Feel’ the better. Bad move Dannii, bad move....
04. Joe’s ‘She’s Out Of My Life’ was probably his best performance of the series – the first time we’ve genuinely enjoyed one of his performances. But he’s still SOOO dull! And who’s styling him?? He looked like some chav going down to Bigg Market this week. Should we mention the teeth again? Or the bizarre head tilt? Or even the walking – how does he walk so annoyingly??!
05. We don’t even know what to say about Olly. We want to kill him. Yes, we know that ladies of a certain age seem to love him – but the fact is he can’t sing, he certainly can’t dance and he’s a twat. His ‘moves’ during ‘We Can Work It Out’ were so embarrassing that we wanted to hide behind the sofa. He’s not cool, he looks like an embarrassing uncle at a wedding. And why was he dressed like a dental hygienist?? Dear God, why??!!
06. We *heart* Lady Gaga. Now, that’s how you do a performance. We did find it quite funny when someone called into The Xtra Factor later and somehow managed to compare her to Olly, as they’re both ‘performers’. Only in the same way that you could call both Aldi and Harrods ‘food halls’.
07. We also *heart* Janet. We have to admit, we’re not as big a fan of fat Janet, and ‘Make Me’ isn’t exactly her strongest single, but she still ran rings around the contestants we have left. She probably refused to speak after her performance after seeing her brothers songs murdered one by one the night before...
08. Oh, and how short is Joe?! Dermot towers over him, and isn’t Dermot a midget??! He looks like the lovechild of Jaws and Jeanette Krankie.
09. We’re only at nine, and we have nothing more to say L
10. Bring on the final next week – if only so we can finally say goodbye to this sorry, sorry excuse of a series...
Boring. Stop promoting this crap blog. If you don't enjoy it, don't watch it. Moaning, whiney cow.
Posted by: P | December 10, 2009 at 15:17